Apparent Regression
What does it mean when stable attention seems to collapse back into mind-wandering?
A Meditator’s Question:
I follow The Mind Illuminated, and I had been hoping to reach Milestone One, “Continuous Attention to the Meditation Object,” which Culadasa places between Stages 3 and 4 of The Elephant Path. This milestone marks the transformation from a “novice meditator” to a “skilled meditator.”
However, I seem to have regressed from being able to hold attention on the breath for extended periods, as described in Stage 3, back to the frequent mind-wandering characteristic of Stage 2.
I was starting to feel very pleased with myself about approaching Milestone One, and now I feel like I suddenly lost it.
Can you please help me make sense of it?
Oded’s Answer:
I understand your frustration, and we can alleviate it by clarifying the meditative process.
Shifting degrees of attention stability are normal and expected. View them like weather patterns - something we observe, not something we control. A cloudy day is not “a regression” from the sunny day that came before it. It’s not our fault, not our doing, not our attainment, and not our shortcoming. It doesn’t define us as meditators, because “we” don’t train the mind - the mind trains itself.
For this reason, with great love and respect to Culadasa, I recommend letting go of “the milestones” framework and placing all efforts on the training process itself. The natural human desire to think of ourselves as “skilled” or “adept” is another source of suffering, rooted in craving and aversion. It’s also strengthening the illusion of the ego-self, which identifies with the impermanent states of mind, attributing them to itself: “as a ‘Skilled Meditator’ I must experience X and never experience Y,” or “I’m still a ‘Novice Meditator’ despite my best efforts.”
Truth is that our stability of attention, like all mental factors, is dependent on internal and external causes and conditions. If, between sessions, we’re involved in interactions, facing challenges, and exposed to new information the mind needs to process, it’ll naturally impact our next meditation session. These are all potential sources of powerful distractions that might lead to prolonged mind wandering.
The same is true even in retreat settings, where the incoming information from the outside is extremely limited. In that case, the extended continuity of attention creates space for suppressed material to surface from the unconscious mind. That’s a precursor of the Purification of Mind that characterizes Stage 4. Even when their source is internal rather than external, they are distractions just the same.
Bottom line - “regression” is an illusion. As long as we continue to meditate, we’re making progress, even when the mind is doubtful or judgmental of that fact.
Just keep going.
A good meditation is the one you did.
