Meditating Through Depression
How can I meditate when I’m going through a depressive period and have very little motivation?
A Meditator’s Question:
I find it hard to meditate consistently because my mind keeps generating frightening scenarios about the future. Much of this revolves around work, purpose, and the fear of getting trapped in a life that feels wrong for me. Sometimes the anxiety becomes so strong that I’m almost frozen. When I do sit down to meditate, I have a lingering sense that the whole practice is useless and hopeless.
I experimented a little with Metta Meditation (Loving Kindness), but when I practice it, the overly positive phrases often don’t affect me as deeply as I hope they will. Even when meditation is relatively deep, the words can still feel distant, as though I understand them intellectually but don’t really feel them in my heart.
Are there approaches, styles, or mental frameworks that can help me stay grounded and continue practicing during depressive and anxious states?
Oded’s Answer:
Thanks for sharing this so openly. I can relate to your struggle.
When I first discovered meditation, my own experience was also heavily colored by depression and anxiety. The good news is that meditation is a sound path to the true peace you’re after.
From what I understand, you mostly practice formal meditation: sitting down, eyes closed, focused on the breath or bodily sensations. This can be very challenging during depressive and anxious states, because the silent space can easily get flooded by catastrophic future projections that the depressed mind quickly fabricates.
To counter this, it can be very helpful to temporarily let go of formal sitting meditation and direct your efforts toward two complementary practices: Walking Meditation and Metta Meditation, with a refined approach to address your reservations. They can be practiced together, or one at a time.
Walking Meditation is done with the eyes open, with attention placed on the sensations in the feet as we walk. It has a significant grounding effect, since there is so much sensorial information connecting us to the here and now. The space it occupies in conscious experience leaves less room for drifting into worries about the future or regrets about the past. With fewer worries and regrets to fuel the depressive state, it often brings noticeable relief.
I would also suggest giving Metta Meditation a second chance. While the challenges you mentioned when working with it are shared by many practitioners - myself included - it’s a powerful and effective practice overall.
First, I’ll describe the practice in its classical form. Then, I’ll suggest a way to refine our approach to it as a tool for working with the difficulties it poses.
Traditionally, four statements are used in Metta Meditation, but feel free to start by experimenting with the one that speaks to you the most:
“May I be free from suffering.”
“May I be free from ill-will.”
“May I be filled with loving-kindness.”
“May I be truly happy.”
Repeat the statement gently in your heart. When it feels natural, you can extend it outward: to the people you love the most, then the wider circle of friends and family, acquaintances, people with whom you may have difficulties, and lastly, everyone on earth.
If the Metta statements feel flat, artificial, or overly positive, it may help to understand them differently: they express a wish for the future, not a demand for the present. “May I be,” not “I must be.” We hold an intention, rather than forcing something prematurely.
Therefore, don’t be alarmed if the words don’t have the impact you would like. The power of the practice is in placing the right effort, not in forcing specific results.
Remember: we don’t have control over outcomes. We can’t choose sensations or decide how to feel about something. The pleasant or unpleasant quality of phenomena is not in our hands. If it were, no one would ever choose depression, anxiety, or pain.
Furthermore, if the words of the Metta statements don’t land, and the mind reacts to them with cynicism, doubt, or disbelief, that’s often a sign the practice is touching exactly the right place. It opens an opportunity to investigate the automatic negative reaction and gradually influence it. When we repeatedly notice and become familiar with the chain of thoughts and emotions related to the prospect of liberation from suffering, we can begin to question their validity.
The opposing voices might be very loud and harsh, but other parts of the mind will also observe and listen. With time, they’ll present a different, more positive perspective, and the balance will shift.
With that understanding in place, let’s move on to the practicalities:
For your upcoming sessions, focus on Walking Meditation and Metta Meditation until you feel a shift in your emotional weather. Let Walking Meditation ground you in the present, and let Metta Meditation cultivate wholesome intentions, regardless of the mind’s emotional response. Then, when you feel ready, return to the formal sitting practice, open to what it might reveal.
Be gentle, loving, and closely attuned to your inner experience. This is not a race - let your growth and healing happen gradually and naturally.
May you be truly happy. I have faith in you.
With Metta,
Oded
